Friday, June 19, 2009

father's day is for idiots

I write a dad blog. It says so right up in the title. (A title which, I realize, is not very imaginative. When I started the blog I called it "The Once and Future Badass Dad." But was both pretentious and totally nonsensical, so now it's just Badass Dad Blog. Which is lame, but tells it like it is.) So I think the fact I write a dad blog means I have to write a Father's Day post. So, here it is.

Father's Day is stupid. As are Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, Boss's Day, Administrative Professionals Day, and Arbor Day. Actually, I kind of like Arbor Day. Trees are cool. But all those other ones are stupid.

First, they aren't really holidays. The word holiday is derived from "holy day," so by definition holidays are days of religious observance. In this way Independence Day, Thanksgiving, Memorial Day, and Labor Day are also not actually holidays, but I give those a pass because they're patriotic and that's almost like religion to some people. But the others, especially Father's Day and Mother's Day, exist for two reasons. Reason 1: To sell greeting cards and gifts. Reason 2: To remind people to appreciate people in their lives that no one should need to be reminded to appreciate.

I mean, c'mon. If someone has to tell you to love your mother and give her flowers and tell her she's a great mom, you are an idiot. She's your mom. She gave birth to you, and raised you, and refrained from killing you at any point during your young life. Rest assured, there were many times she wanted to. And she didn't. She is to be honored and admired.

Likewise with dads. They spent their whole lives loving you and caring for you and playing trucks and trains and dolls and house and catch with you and most of them never even ordered up that DNA test that would once and for all prove you were actually their kid. That's true love. And you need Hallmark to tell you one day a year to tell the guy you love him and buy him a card and an Amazon gift certificate? You suck.

Thing is, I also suck.

I don't call my parents enough. I don't visit them NEARLY enough. They come to us much more than we go to them, which I know makes a sort of sense because they don't have small children to cart around but still, we should visit our parents more. I rarely get them really great birthday presents. I have almost no idea what they would like, and am too lazy to put in the effort to find out. I love my parents and appreciate everything they have done for me through my life to support me and care for me and raise me, and I don't say those things to them enough. Because it's mushy and sappy to say that stuff and how often do you really go there in day to day life?

Which I guess is why we have Father's Day. Do tell us it's OK to go there. It's OK to tell your dad you love him, and you appreciate him, and he did an awesome job because you're still alive and basically doing OK. We shouldn't need the greeting card industry to remind us to say these things, but the truth is we need to be reminded.

So I still think Father's Day is stupid, and is basically a day for idiots. Trouble is, I'm an idiot, so I probably need to accept that in the end, I need it. Crap.

I love you, Dad. And Greg. And Thom. All you guys are awesome dads in your own way. And if it's possible you're even awesomer grandpas to Owen and Nicholas. Those kids love you so much, and seeing how much you love them makes me tear up with the joyful humanity of it all. Like I'm doing a little right now.

Happy Father's Day.

p.s. Also in honor of Father's Day, I was interviewed on It Was A Very Good Year. Have a look and also check out what my fellow dad bloggers have to say over the next few days.



  1. aww so ... mushy. LOL

  2. Forget the cards and commercial stuff, I kinda like Mother's my mind it gives me an excuse to sit on my ass and be pampered all day...which really I can't get away with any other days (even though I'd like to) cuz I gotz 'sponsibilities.

    I give you permission to sit on your ass (but don't forget to call the dads in your life)

    Anyhoo, Happy Father's Day and all that jazz!

  3. Oh, Michael. I just love you - and I can't believe you won't be working a few floors up from me anymore. But I know you'll find a badass job soon and you'll be wondering why you didn't look for it years ago. I look forward to your Twittering, Facebooking, and badass blogging updates. You rock.

  4. oh...realized you don't know who poophoria princess is. it's Laurie.

  5. I love you, Michael. And you too, Jeremy, if you've read this far.

  6. It is true, we should acknowledge our loved ones more often. But then again, if they said it every 2 minutes, the specialness would really wear off too. I'm all for a happy medium! ;) Happy Father's Day!

  7. While I agree that those are bs holidays, I confess I like having a day where everyone caters to me. Sortof like a second birthday.

  8. Awww, you teared up. So sweet. :) And I happen to disagree with you. I don't use the day to remind me that i love one of my parents. I use the day as an excuse to make the day all about them. THAT is nearly impossible to do in every day life, and it's nice to have a given day to make it happen. I also have several other "made up" holidays as well, for example, we have a "sister day". :) Here, have a kleenex, you big sap ;)

  9. Make up your mind damn it.

    Happy Papa's day! ;-)

  10. I like how you throw in the words "DNA test" on a Father's Day post. Classic.


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